Writing in public
In 2020 I started a PhD program after 3 years of being outside a formal educational institution. It felt like a big change in my life, and it prompted me to attempt blogging for the first time. I had a feeling that the moment in time was one where significant change was coming, and I wanted to document some of it.
It coincided with the pandemic, and the practice fell into place with relative ease. I still had to sit myself down and write, but there was a lot less stopping me when 50% of my normal life was put on hold. Living in Vermont at the time the only people I interacted with were my parents, Diane, and the person who put groceries in the truck. So much of "everyday-life" was culled, and as a result I found new ways to take up that space.
Writing on a regular basis was going well. Whether it was details about a topic I was studying, or difficulties navigating graduate school, the practice helped me process. It was basically a version of a journal that I was willing to share publicly.
It also provided a record of what I was struggling with, which not only I could look back on, but also captured my naive understanding of concepts I was learning. I try to capture early confusion not just because it’s fun to document learning, but because when we teach others, we forget that clumsy feeling of misunderstand, and the associated misconceptions that come with it. Even if I'm not actively teaching a course, I believe a huge part of being a great friend/community member/coworker/partner is understanding where someone is coming from, and meeting them there (i.e. what good teachers do).
One very real downside to writing in public is the excruciating cringe-factor that can come with documenting your learning. Looking back on the posts I wrote during graduate school, it's hard to want to finish reading them sometimes.
"I actually wrote that down for people on the internet to see?!"
Yes, and while I strive to not embarrass myself too much, moderate embarrassment about previous understandings of the world isn't a crime. I have to actively remind myself that asking dumb questions is okay, and being moderately ignorant online is a way to become less so.
After a few months of consistently writing in grad school, my program got turned on its head with the departure of my advisor. I stopped writing while scrambling to figure out what was next, and never picked the practice up again. The dust has settled now (3 years later), and I feel that I am in a good place to start again. I am learning a lot every day, and I want to share that with others.
💌 n